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  • Genevia Cameron posted an update in the group Group logo of RelationshipsRelationships 2 years, 6 months ago

    Hello everyone I want to tell you a bit about myself and hope that maybe everyone can help with a progression that I’m dealing with in my relationship ( or lack there of). I have remained single since the death of my boyfriend in 2012. There have been small dates and get togethers that I have endured but I don’t feel that I’ve met the right person. I know I need to get back out there but it’s a bit hard. There was so much love, connection and so much more that as within that relationship but there was also such a bad aspect of terms with us because he’s left this imprint of brokenness associated with Valentine’s Day because we’ve broken up on that day before, gotten back together and he took his life that following July. Do you think I should try online dating sites?

    • First of all, I’m very sad to hear that your boyfriend took his own life. It is good that you gave yourself a bit of time to grieve for him, and this may sound totally harsh, but you owe it to yourself to move on (and I see that you’ve been trying to). You have to go into each date telling yourself, “I will not let “him” determine the outcome of this date.” You have to push him out of your mind and let your mind focus on the new person you are on the date with. You have to give them a fair chance. If you go into each date comparing them to your late boyfriend you will only end up hurting them and yourself.

      As far as joining a dating website…that’s really up to what your personality is like and how you make connections. If you are the type of person who can establish a relationship through messages without a lot of face-to-face communication, a dating website could be really great for you. You’ll want to message back and forth with the person you’re going to be meeting up with a bit so you have a better chance of finding out if they’re a creeper or not.

      If you’re more of the type to like watching peoples’ facial expressions as you speak to them, a dating website is probably not for you. Try some old-fashioned things like heading out to a movie. I actually met my fiance’ when we were both going to see a movie alone. He noticed I was by myself and asked if I wanted to watch with him. I’m so glad I said yes!

    • Wow, my sincere condolences!

      Break-ups are hard enough to heal from particularly if there is the roller coaster ride of emotional highs and lows due to depression… Him taking his own life just adds so much more emotional baggage to sort through and makes finding closure that much more difficult for those left behind, (you).

      I feel the need to ask you if you’ve received any type of counseling to help you with this loss? Suicide really leaves a lot of pain and feelings of guilt for those left in it’s wake. People can tell you to get over it and move on all they want, but really all that does is make you less likely to confide in them the emotional trauma you may still be carrying with you over this.

      I am aware that my advice/opinion may not be a popular one, but I’m going to put it out there anyway. It may not be in your best interest to pursue a new relationship with someone else until you have healed from this and are able to truly feel comfortable about moving on. Otherwise you could end up bringing the residual pain, guilt, mistrust into the next relationship. Honestly, that’s not fair to anyone… Not to you and not to your future partner. A new partner/relationship will not heal the past.

      You can’t begin to love another until you can truly love yourself and you can’t begin to do that until you have dealt with this past relationship and healed your pain.

      Dating websites may only add to your upset if you aren’t ready… Trust me on this! Internet dating can be a lot like the Serengeti with lots of prey and predators.

      I hope you’ll take your time and move at your own pace. Trust your gut, *always*; it will guide you if you pay attention to it. Whatever you may decide, I wish you much love and healing for your future =)

    • Sorry for your loss. Valentines Day, you are not alone in feeling broken on that day. It comes in many forms. We just keep trying right. Online dating now that is an interesting topic. I did plenty of that. I think it is good to experience and each will have their own with it. All I will say is be cautious. It is not what it was originally. Have a girlfriend help you select and take an objective look with you. Now I prefer leaving it to chance in person or meeting through friends.
      Hopefully you stay positive and the best will come to you.