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  • Nikkishea posted an update in the group Group logo of RelationshipsRelationships 2 years, 5 months ago

    Can there be happiness with a married man? My lifetime friend is involved with a married man and she says it is the happiest she has ever been. I am single and choose to be looking for my Mr. Right to come along and she is saying go get yourself a married man, they are the best. I know this is simply absurd in my case because just knowing that he is with someone else when he is not with me would just drive me insane. Yes, we know men do cheat but it is better to not know about it than to have it staring you in your face every single day. That is my take on it, what do you guys think?

    • While I do believe happiness can be achieved with a married man, In my opinion it’s far from being the perfect relationship. I personally find that it would have to many unstable situations on both parts for it to work. For example, like yourself, I couldn’t bare the though of him being with he’s wife or the fact that we have to maintain a certain composure in public to avoid being seen as suspicious to potential known passersby. The strain on hes part to hide the affair from hes wife could also make waves on our relationship.

      Can it work? Yes, without a doubt. The real question is, if are you ok with what you’re doing and if you can handle it if things go bad.

      • I have to concur with Cristina.
        Personally speaking, I wouldn’t get involved with a person if they were already spoken for.

        What would be the point of going out with someone that’s taken? Are you doing it for the sex? If so, you could just have sex with someone from a bar. Are they doing it for the risk factor? Why not simply do the deed in a public space at the risk of getting caught.

        While I can’t say how the status is for that marriage for him to go and cheat, it’s not worth hurting the other person in the relationship. To be part of that would just kill me. No body wants their emotions getting played with, so why toy with another at the expense of your happiness?

        On a finally note, I don’t wan to run the risk of someone being vengeful on not only on him, but myself as well.

      • Yes there will come a time when you will definitely want more because you will feel limited in some way. I tend to look at it from the man’s perspective and i ask myself why would he want to be with me and keep his wife at the same time…having his cake and eating it. If he loves me so much why cant he then leave his wife or if he loves his wife so much why is he with me? This is something i always look at and as far as i am concerned these men are no different from con artists as they are just living a lie both ways.

    • I wouldn’t judge anyone, but before I even answer the question you posed; I personally wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I run the risk of breaking up a family. I would never date someone in a relationship with someone else let alone a married man. I wouldn’t want it done to me, so why do it to someone else? Now to address your question, yes some women have eventually found happiness with married men. But I also believe that not many married men will leave their wife for their mistress. There’s usually a lot of ducking and diving, a lot of lies, someone getting strung along and ultimately someone getting their heart broken. How much happiness that brings to the mistress is anyone’s guess. I think If it were me, I’d always be wondering if he could do the same thing to me. After all, he cheated with me; what’s to stop him doing the same thing me?

    • It is by far not something that you should go looking for but who you love I do not feel can be helped. So yes I believe you can be happy with that man. The problem comes with his marital status, and you may find your unhappiness with that too much to bear eventually.

    • I once dated a man who married someone else when he was with me. When I learn about it, I was so angry but remained in the relationship. I thought that I was very advantaged to be with him without committing myself. Over the years I become so unhappy that I ended the relationship. I learned a very good lesson, never be with a married man, he is just wasting your time. He will leave you high and dry when you least expect it.

      • Wow Muthoni, he was very cruel! You didn’t do anything wrong, so no need to beat yourself up. But I totally agree with you, married men who seek affairs will say anything to have their cake and eat it. The same thing goes for people in relationships; personally I wouldn’t go there to protect my heart!

    • First of all, I think it is wrong to be with someone who is taken. If the person you are sharing your life with sleeps with someone else, think about how that hurts you. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for someone else’s pain. I know you can’t help who you love, but if you have fallen in love with someone who is married you should probably swallow it. I don’t know. Also, on top of that, you could never be fully with that person. Part of the fun of being in a relationship is being able to make dinner at home, sleeping over at each other’s houses, living together. If you’re single and in a relationship with someone who’s married, you are on the giving end and they on the taking. Dinner is always at your house, sex is always at your house, everything is at a cost to you. This may be a little bit of a generalization, but I just feel like you could never be fully with that person and in the end, that would be heartbreaking. Anyways, maybe your friend is incredibly happy with the married man, but that doesn’t mean that the KEY to her happiness is the married-ness of the man. So, either way, I think it’s bad advice to tell you to go get yourself another woman’s man so you can find happiness.