This month has been a hell month for me. It’s also had some pretty amazing moments stuck in the middle. Living in Los Angeles has taught me a lot. It’s a never ending hustle of evolution and fighting a war with yourself among the decay.
When I first got here this stuff was difficult but it felt easier. I was younger and recovering from my divorce. I was a girl afraid but also hopeful and driven. I started the path towards finally finding my identity one piece and moment at a time. However the big secret is that as much as I’m farther along and happy in that path, I am still just a scared little girl in a big city delicate and hiding in a hoodie.
…But you might not know that from meeting me… or maybe you would if you’ve met me recently….
I’ve had a baby since my last steps out into the spotlight. I’m different now. I’m evolved but a little quieter. It’s been a little while since I’d been out in the social pond. With my youngest son only turning one on Halloween it’s a little expected. Then again I also haven’t been terribly afraid of bringing him out and about to an event when the notion grabs me. One of the last times I stepped out into that crowd before my son was born I was a human Jiffy Pop of coiffed fashion attending a conference where I met the brazen Adryenn Ashley. (Note: you can read many of her stories here on ChickLit.) We became fast friends throughout the night as we bounced stories off one another about being awesome off kilter modern moms in the entertainment, social, and tech spaces. We are mold breakers. We are the women that hopefully will be remembered.
That said, it was no wonder that my first time out and about in a massive space happened last minute and was to be an adventure helping out with a star studded red carpet event called “The Britannias.” I was vastly unprepared as I had back to back meetings all day and had to rush myself to get prepped and red carpet ready to assist helping get the event to trend by talking to stars as they walked into the event, taking pictures of celebs, laughing with an entourage of other social media missionaries, getting squished and thanking my stars that I did not have claustrophobia, and… remembering that I am more than a mother but that I am a small piece of something greater here.
As a side note: I’ll be writing more about the event itself in an upcoming post. Stay tuned for some of the things I learned with my tips and tricks to the red carpet within the next few days.
If you had told me earlier in October that I would be on the red carpet for the end of it, I don’t know if I would have completely believed you. However with the way that things go in this town, I’m not entirely surprised. That night reminded me once again why I fight so hard for this city. Of why, despite my fears of this massive playground of heartache and obstacles I love it here and wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
What few people know (before this posting apparently) is that the same day I was assisting with the red carpet I was essentially in rags all day running myself ragged trying to make shit happen. I’m in a war. The city is my journey and my destination.
It has been years since I first got here, fighting with myself the whole way not to set up camp. The city sucked me in. It would not allow me to escape no matter how many times my family told me that I should go back to small town IL and go have an easier life working a retail job and owning a house.
Over the years I’ve learned more and more about the power of connections. They make or break you no matter what part of the world you live in. The people I encounter are gold and they are also dust. When you find another star along the journey you make a point to assist them shining up the sky. I’m not even talking about the ones I met on the red carpet although they were all wonderful in their own ways. The city is magic and it’s because of the people and dreams all around it. Make the most of yourself. Make the most of them. Tag team and make dreams happen. It’s the only way to survive. It’s the only way to truly… just be.