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7 Ways To Feel Better, Look Better and Show The World The Real You

Look Better, Feel BetterI remember being a teen, going through puberty, sweating, stinky and pimpled. Even after I emerged on the other side of womanhood a beautiful young lady, those insecurities never fully went away. I spent high school feeling fat, ugly and undesirable. I looked in the mirror and didn’t see beautiful. I only saw faults, things to change, and what was wrong with this picture.

The experts say confidence all mental, and that 90% of body confidence is in your head, not how you look. And I can see how most people believe that is true. I have one friend, big, bald, and sexy as hell. She enters a room and you know it, and you gravitate in her direction! She has the illusive IT factor nobody can resist. And it has nothing to do with being a size 4, because she is not. It’s being comfortable in your own skin. She owns her awesome! But how do you get there?

It’s no fun, looking in the mirror and seeing what you believe, not what’s truly shining back at you. I’ve written up with a few tips I’ve learned over the years to combat those moments when you slip back into insecurity. These are action steps, physical things you can do to prove you’re as awesome as your friends keep telling you!

Enter my unorthodox list of things to do NOW to look and feel fabulous!
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1. Prepare: I’m the queen of air traffic controlling everything in my life. It all gets done, precisely when it’s due, but not before. So if I don’t have an inkling of what I am going to wear, how do I know if it still fits? I used to go into my closet, certain of the outfit I wanted to wear out, only to find that I’m bloated, or recently been waylaid by the Girl Scouts and packed on a few pounds, and must pick something else in an instant. All my well laid plans gone to waste because I didn’t have a pre-outfit check in the list of things to do today! No MORE! Now I try on all the options, do a mirror check (slightly tilted to give me a slimmer look to compensate for the “I look fat” subconscious negative self talk). Like Nike says, just do it! The certainty that you’re all set will also carry through your outing and shine through your smile.

2. Dress Well: There’s a reason that Nordstrom will custom tailor anything you buy-because it will look better, and it will also be un-returnable! But the secret that wealthy women know is that perfect fitting clothes give you confidence. No more waistbands that cut into your side, pulling seams, or worse a little camel toe! I’m a short girl, but petites are just slightly too short for me, and regulars are too long in the body. It’s a no win! So custom tailoring was my only choice… until I found Fitlogic! The Little Black Pant by Fitlogic is amazing. Using a short questionnaire I found my size, and the pants fit perfectly, no altering, just awesome fit! So if you are like the 86% of women who feel fat every time you hit the dressing room, remember, it’s not you, there’s nothing wrong with you! Designers each have their own favorite shape and don’t account for the 3 different shapes of women… YET! So have your go to outfit of Little Black Pants, a top (in the perfect color for you), and jacket ready to go at all times! You never know when the media will call and ask if they can be at your door in 15 minutes! So go grab yours today!

3. Use Tungsten lighting: Have you ever been out with friends or a date and went to use the ladies room, then stood at the sink, under the florescent lights and looked at yourself and thought, “ugh!” It’s not you, it’s the awful lighting. Not even supermodels look good in that lighting. So bypass the sink and carry purell in your purse! Much better on your hands, and you can avoid the lines and get back to the fun quicker too!

4. Smile: Nothing screams confidence more than a smile. Start smiling at strangers. Compliment people you don’t know, at random, whenever you see something you like, or shoes (my personal favorite! Tangent: the only thing I learned how to say in Italian class was, “Hey baby, cute shoes.” “ciao belle scarpe carino”) I love the looks I get. And I know, sometimes my compliment is the only one they’ve had all week, or longer. You see their eyes light up and that makes you feel fantastic. You did that! You gave someone a great day.

5. Engage: Your mind is your most beautiful feature. And while you would think that talking about yourself would be the best way to show that, it’s your ability to listen and ask questions that draw your conversation partner further into the conversation that is the key to likability.

6. Personal Branding: Have a professional photographer take new headshots every year so they are current and look like you! Let that professional image be the image you burn into your mind, not the sideway, lowlight, triple chin, demon eye snapshot someone just posted on Facebook (untag yourself and ask for it to be taken down!). When you use your own photos and spread them far and wide, you tell them what to think about you, you control your personal brand. So let that be your calling card! And while you are at it, do a boudoir shoot! Trust me, I used to be 25lbs lighter but still felt fat (at a size 4) and wouldn’t let one of the worlds best photographers take my picture. I wanted to lose a few pounds. Instead I missed out on the opportunity! And if I’d only done it when I was 20!!! I can’t even imagine! I was to beautiful and didn’t even know it. Take the pics. You’ll look back on them later and wonder how you could thought anything but how amazing you were! And still are!

7. Be generous: My friend Cami Walker wrote the book, “29 Gifts” and in it she revealed the remarkable healing power of giving. I have a few way I give on a regular basis. I carry protein bars and give them to homeless people. I also give blankets in winter (I collect them year round). I also collect entrepreneurial education products for the Curing Unemployment Tour. I’ve given away 5 cars, computers, phones, even my old engagement ring (to the then fiancee of my “executive wife”). And while it felt great to give those things of value, its the compliments, hugs, and ideas that I can give everyday that have the real power to transform.

We live in a “See it to believe it” kind of world. And I can see you, inside you, to how great you are. I believe it!

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  1. Profile photo of Vet
    December 26, 2015

    It’s truly a pity that among the issues that young women face is insecurity. As the article mentioned, there is a real beauty inside of you that just needs to come out. That said, one of my favorites in the suggestion is about dressing well. Sad to say, I’m one of those who don’t care much about the way I dress. But then when I look at other people, I often murmur to myself – hay! if I only dress well. That inner voice, even knows that I have to do it, but just refuse to do so. Dressing well is truly a step towards getting your real you come out.
    Also, if I may add – stop comparing yourself with another – is I think a wise decision to beat insecurity. Once you compare yourself with others, it’s as if you are sabotaging the real you to come out. You often measure yourself agains the others. When that happens, you are preventing your inner beauty to come out, since you attempt to be like those you envy.

  2. Profile photo of LaKiya
    December 4, 2014

    It’s interesting,low self-esteem is something I’ve had to deal with my whole life. I always feel like I’m too much or never enough, mostly never enough. Over the last couple of years I’ve gotten closer to my older cousin; she has confidence coming out of her ears. She always has guys hitting on her and she has one of those big personalities. We look so much a like most people who’ve known us our entire lives get us confused. However, I tend to hold back, socially. Our relationship has caused me to look at my own confidence.
    My family is always telling me I have to know Im the best in the room or that I can do it better than anyone else in the room or I have to fake it till I make it. But, that only makes me feel worse. I’m not the best in the room and I feel like a lie when Im pretending to be more than I am. So I’ve had to find another way to really believe in myself.
    I had to think about what confidence really mean to me. For me, its being secure in what I have and knowing I can make it work for me.Honestly, when I realized how I felt about it, I still had no idea what I was good at or if I was good at anything. I still felt insignificant. I started with my interest: tv, music, movies, books, games, fashion, and other stuff. I noticed, over time, that I have a good memory and I really like the way I dress. I have an eye for talent and I can tell a good story. I try to invest in those gifts. I write, I think out what I’m going to wear, I try memory building exercises, and I try to figure out what I like about certain things and learn as much as I can about them. It make me feel better about myself somehow. I say all of this to say, I feel most confident when I take the pressure off, accept what I have and work with it. I feel happier and that’s always a confidence booster.

  3. Profile photo of Wendy Rahilly
    November 6, 2014

    I definitely agree that confidence is all mental. I remember back around 20 years ago when I was really shy and didn’t have much self-esteem. One day, I was hanging out with a group of people, kind of staying on the sidelines. I watched them all having a great time, full of confidence, etc. That day, I made a choice to get confident and start being more outgoing. It is amazing the shift I went through. I started dressing different, grew my hair out, got more popular, made more friends, got a good career and everything just changed for me. It’s all mental.

  4. Profile photo of Mara
    November 4, 2014

    I still struggle with my self esteem, but i’m the kind of person to always try to make others feel better about themselves. I love your advice. They encourage me. I have social anxiety disorder, and that makes me stay away from people. I’m always home doing nothing, i never want to get out, but this is very encouraging to me. It may just work out for me. I’m going to take in your advice and try. Just try because that is all that i can do. It is so weird, how i do not take my own advice. I could have been the one to write something like this to encourage others. I feel like such an hypocrite sometimes. This is why i appreciate people like you. Even though i do give people advice like this, it is nice to see someone doing the same, and that encourages me, because it is like i have someone to help me too. I help, but someone is helping me now. And that someone is you. Thank you for being one of the people on this planet that gives me hope in humanity.

  5. Profile photo of Lanika
    October 27, 2014

    There were times when I felt completely lost. Being a teenager was never easy for me. I always got picked on or I was never too popular to be around the other kids. Besides not being popular, I was very unique. When I found out that I have the knowledge and skills for fashion, it changed the rest of my high school years. I still didn’t care about not being popular. Everything completely changed about me, which made me grew. Not only was I developing more self esteem but I showed everyone that being different is better than being popular. It’s like everyone was respecting me for being my own brand :).

  6. Profile photo of Sarah Carson
    October 24, 2014

    Growing up my teenage years were the absolute worst. I had horrible acne, I didn’t really have good looks and I got picked all through middle school so didn’t help my self esteem at all. But as time went on and many days crying and talking to my mom I finally didn’t care about what people said. The people doing all the teasing are most of the people that want to be my best friend today which is actually really funny. I didn’t see myself beautiful and I was stupid not to. I used most of these steps. I would say positive words in the mirror to myself when I would brush my teeth, I read positive blogs about the body, did my hair, ate healthier, worked out sometimes, and hung out with friends. Naturally you’re going to become a happier person when you surround yourself in a happier environment. Prove everyone wrong and have fun doing it. Be yourself because no one gets better than that.

  7. Profile photo of Allison
    October 22, 2014

    This was incredibly motivating and uplifting. Women are way to hard on themselves and the media is the one to blame. We aren’t all as perfect as the photoshop covers on every magazine. Every woman needs to realize that they are unique and beautiful just the way that they are. Even looking in a mirror everyday and smiling at yourself has been known to encourage higher confidence. Reading this article makes me smile. Every woman should read this.

  8. Profile photo of Ruby
    October 21, 2014

    I also thought I was fat, plain and unattractive as a teenager, but recently I found an old passport photo of myself at that age and I was struck by how lovely I actually was. It was a revelation to me.

    As an adult I’ve never had great looks or the perfect body but I have grown confident in myself and that has made me attractive to others. I think all the points in this article are good confidence-building tips, and when you feel confident people will notice you and like what they see.


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